jokes galore...

[marshydootzy]

---

Pari: Muapil ka sa Army of God ?
Juan: Member naku ana, Padre .
Pari: Ngano wla man ka sa misa permi ?
Juan: Secret Agent man gud koh pader .!
Pari: Atay rah !

[marshydootzy]

Anak sa himatyong tigulang nga inahan: “Ma, kung mupanaw ka na, unsa man imong gusto? Magpalubong o magpacremate?”
Inahan: Ikaw na lang ang mahibalo dong.Surprise me.

[marshydootzy]

Use in a Sentence
Maestra: Juan, use "ng" in a sentence. Gamitin ang salitang "ng" sa wastong pangungusap.
Juan: Ah! kadali ra ana mam
Maestra: Ok then use it!
Juan: "Maayong gabii, Nang"

[marshydootzy]

Gay Linggo Version sa mga Pambata nga kanta..nyahaha

Sisira ang Bulaklak


bubukesh and floweret

jojosok and reynabelz

shochurva ng chacha

pa-jembot-jembot fah

boom tiyayavush

tiyayavush chenes

boom tiyayavush

tiyayavush chenes

Naa pa gyud!

Penpen De Sarapen

penpen de chovaloo

de kemerloo de eklavoo

hao hao de chenelyn

de BIG YUTEN

sfriti dapat iipit

goldness-filak

chumochorva

sa tabi ng chenes

shoyang fula

talong na fula

shoyang fute

talong na mafute

chuk chak chenes

namo uz ek

[marshydootzy]

The FINALISTS:

Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Japan

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....

(Applause!.... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....

(Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

[marshydootzy]

An Arab was interviewed at US checkpoit...

American: Name please?
Arab: Abdul Aziz

American: ***?
Arab: Six times a week.

American: I mean, male or female?
Arab: Doesn't matter, sometimes even camel.

American: Holy cow!
Arab: Yes, cows and dogs too!

American: Man, isn't that hostile?
Arab: Yes, horse style, dogstyle, any style!

American: Oh dear!
Arab: Deer? No deer, they run very fast!



Sino?

Wife: Hon, sino si Trixie!?
Husband: ah, kabayo un. Yun pinustahan ko sa karera
Wife: ah ganun ba!? Sige animal ka! Sagutin mo ang telepono tumatawag ang kabayo!


Anak

Dad: (Holding 2 toys, letting his son choose) Si Barbie o si Superman?
Son: Si Superman, Dad.
Dad: Good! (He then left)
Son: GWAPO MO TALAGA SUPERMAN! BAKAT NA BAKAT! SHET!!!


Alam nyo ba?

TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa dugo't pawis ng mga magsasaka?
MGA BATA: eeewwww!

[jdimpas]

hahaah lingawa oi... ako pud share sad ko..


Manag-soon

Bata: ate kung wa kay dunggan mag ariyos ka?
Ate: ang2 dili jud
Bata: nya kung wla kai tudlo mag sing2 sad ka?
Ate: syempre dili sad!.. ka daghan ba nimo ug pangutana ba? ngano man?

bata: ang2! wa jud ko ka gets ug nganong mag BRA PAKA...

ate: pakyu...
================================================== ========================

Passenger


Pasahero : Plite..
Driver: aha gikan?
Pasahero: sa bulsa nako
Driver: asa ka nisakay?
Pasahero: Jeep nimo
Driver:*(amaw ni ai beh.. suklian nako ug kuwang)
Pasahero: Pila di ai syudada?
Driver: nganu? Paliton nimo?

================================================== ===

2 baliw gustong tumakas sa mental


baliw1:alam ko kung ano ang gagawin para makatakas tau
baliw2: pano? naka lock ung gate!
baliw1: yun nga e, sisirain natin, kapag nasira na makaka takas natayo
baliw2: Galing mo talaga go!
baliw1: malas
baliw2: bakit?
baliw1: hindi na ka lock ung padlock. di natin masisira, di tau makakatakas!
baliw2: ang tanag mo naman pare, i di i lock natin para pwede natin sirain...
================================================== ================

Usa ka Lood Nga Istorya:

"Kiki ug Kugmo"

usa ka adlaw , ingon ni kiki kay kugmo...


kiki: Hoy Kugmo! Nganong naa man ka diri?....

==================================================

"Basted"

Boy: Prangkahe ko bayhana ka! duha nako ka buwan nanguyab nimo!
unsa man? sugton ko nimo o dili?!

Girl: DILI! kay Bati ka ug NAWONg!

Boy: ahh! Prangka rapud kaayo ka oi...

nalingaw ko katawa ani

[kit_kat]

hahahah--- luv this thread!

[marshydootzy]

Mag amigo nag withdraw sa ATM Machine
Amigo 1: ahihi
Amigo 2: nganong ni agik-ik mn ka og kalit dha?
Amigo 1: aw, kabalo nako sa pin number nimo...
Amigo 2: 'saman daw beh?
Amigo 1: upat ka asterisk


Bisaya ni Join og Quiz Show
Host: ilang liter meron ang coke litro?
Bisaya: FOR! UPAT! liter C! liter O! liter K! liter E...ahaha ka sayon!


Mangaply
Si Dodong nangapply og trabaho isip usa ka Bus Driver og gi testingan dayon iyang abilidad kung kabalo ba gyud mo drive.

Boss: O hala niay susi oh, saka na sa bus og suwayi og pa andar.

Gi kuha dayon ni Dodong ang susi og ni saka sa bus, imbes nga mo adto sa atubangan didto naman hinuon ni lingkod sa luyo.

Boss: Oi na unsa! driver man ka dili pasahero nag unsa man ka diha dong?

Dodong: Farsighted man gud ko Sir.


Rape Nalang
Usa ka gabii, sa isa ka ngit-ngit nga iskinita naay isa ka tigulang nga ni agi apan dunay usa ka lalaki nga nag atang.
Og Kalit nga gi tiunan og kutsilyo ang maong tigulang.

Lalaki: Holdap ni! Ambi na tanan imong kwarta,cellphone, og alahas kay kung dili PATYUN TIKA!
Tigulang: Maluoy ka dong, wa intawon koy kwarta..ayaw intawon ko patya..huhuhu (sabay hilak)

Gi kapkapan sa lalaki ang tigulang kung wala ba gyud kiniy kwarta.

Lalaki: Ay putlig tiil! wala jud diay maskin piso!

Og Tungod sa pagka dismaya kay walay nakuha, ni kalit lang kini og ingon...

Lalaki: RAPE o PATYUN TIKA!

Wala diay kaayo maklaro sa lalaki nga tigulang iyang gi biktima...
Og ni kalit lang og ingon ang tigulang sa way pagduha-duha...

"Do, rape nalang enjoy pako!" (sabay nag blush)


Kanang "OR"
Sa isa ka mahalon nga Beer Haus naay taga bukid first time ni sulod.

Waitress: Anything you want Sir?
Tagabukid: No! dont kol me sir dili ko titser!
Waitress: Ang ibig kopo sabihin is what you want ba wine, vodka or tequilla?
Tagabukid: ah yes opkors...i no wat you seed..hmm nasubukan ko na lahat inumin mga yan, exsip yung sa sinabi mong seconds to the last.
Waitress: ( medyo naiirita na) And what is it po?
Tagabukid: Kaya bigyan mo nalang ako ng "OR" so dat i can try it.

[marshydootzy]

******
Andoy: Papalita kog ****** bi.
Pharmacist: Wa koy ****** kay illegal man na dinhi. Dia noon koy local nga version nga mas maayo pa sa ******.
Andoy: Unsa may ngan ana?
Pharmacist: Buyag ra.