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"WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!
MAN: ok,akin ang bahay!
WIFE: akin ang farm!
MAN: akin ang kotse!
WIFE: ah pero akin driver
MAN: pwes, magkakamatayan tayo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!"

"Mrs: hoy!Tama...

A husband & his wife agreed that when they want to have ***,
they will call it a "PHONE CALL", so the kids cannot decode...
One day husband sent the son to tell mom that he wants
to make a 'Fon...

Catholic Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest...

DIVINE HEALING

*An elderly couple was watching TV when a TV evangelist came on air to pray for the sick.
The evangelist said.. "For those of you who are sick, I want to pray with you so that you...

The Traveling Preacher

A traveling preacher finds himself in a tremendous rainstorm. Within a
few hours the hotel he is staying in becomes flooded. As the water
rises, the preacher climbs to the...

The Perfect Marriage.... ......... ....
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The
Husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out
On the town and party with his old...

BEKO

Pedro : Bindisyuni ko pdre kay naka sala ko
Padre : unsa man imong sala ?
Pedro : Nangawat kug Lube padre
Padre : Pila kabuok ?
Pedro : Tulo kabuok padre
Padre : Na hala pun-ig duha kay...

Wrong Spelling

Asawa : Love ! gi GUTOM KO
Bana : Unsa man imo gusto love ?
Asawa : Tag-Ana !
Bana : Burger ?
Asawa : Dili Layo ra
Bana : Hot Dog
Asawa : Duol Na !
Bana : Ah Itlog !

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this...

girl: asa ang inyong vibrator dire?
clerk: naa sa bubong nakadikit maam.
girl.ok,cge paliton ko nang pula nga dako.
clerk: maam FIRE EXTINGISHER mana.
Bata: Lord,give us this day our daily bread...

FUNNY LESSON.....
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder
lamp.They rub the lamp and a ghost...

This joke was nominated for best joke of the year .

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,...

oke from ‎Forever Young Club

first time for ***

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about ***. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK,...

Tawa tayo ulit

1. Top One
Boy: Nay!
Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Ba't mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one
sa klase. Ang tinuro ni Ma'am yung katabi...

golf story

> A man put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a
story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:"God bless
Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye...

6 like construction worker

kabalo ka, ang 6 murag construction workers...
kung 20 years old pa, ELECTRICIAN, gamay lang nga ground, kurog dayon.
kung 30yrs old na, KARPINTERO- puerting...

The valentine’s prayer

Oh ginoo ngayo ko tabang nimo.
Ako mga classmate, friends na halin na
Ang uban gani nag sige lang balhin balhin
Ako nalang naha bilin
Wala ni mau pag ka bahin . . . AMEN

Another condo incident :
Girl = Hi
Boy = Hello
Girl = punt aka didto sa sa condo
Boy = Okay dala ako food ?
Girl = Gago punta da ditto sa condo ayusin moa ang gripo ! di ba tubero ka ?
Hahahh...

Fruit Salad
father has instruction to one and only daughter on wedding night. so that father knows she is okay. if your big hunk hubby kiss you. shout MANGO ! if he hugs PINEAPPLE ! if he start...

A Father buys a " Lie Detector Robot " that slaps people when they LIE. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
Father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, " I did some...

5 finalist for the crown

Q & A. Host: Candidates # 1 here is your question. What is Human Trafficking, what would you do about it should you win the crown? Candidate #1 : Thank for that wonderfull...

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150...

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pa bite on this spider

REVENGE
A man who had stayed for more than ten years in Iraq went home
to the Philippines. While on board the plane, he was seated next to a
Filipina who was on her way to the Philippines, too.
...

Doc: Unsay imong trabaho, day...??
Girl: Substitute, doc...
Doc: Substitute..?? Dili kaha Prostitute..??
Girl: Dili doc, oi..!! Ang akong mama ang prostitute...pero kon duna siyay sakit...ako...

GIRL : biyaan na teka duna nako lain bye !
BOY : HA ! tekasan gud nimo. . . grrr. ako gani dugay nako duna lain wala gani ko BIYA nimo. tekasan gyud ka oi.