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My name is elvishtattoo. Died at 37

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by , 04-09-2014 at 03:06 AM (3109 Views)
MY NAME IS ELVISHTATTOO. I WILL DIE AT 37

MY COUSIN HAS JUST DIED. HE HAD TUBERCULOSIS, WHICH COMPLICATED HIS HEALTH SCARE. HE WAS DIAGNOSED TO BE HIV POSITIVE A FEW YEARS BACK.

BUT IíM NOT WRITING ABOUT THAT. I WAS NOT TORMENTED WITH THE LOSS. HE WAS NOT CLOSE A COUSIN TO ME THOUGH HE WENT TO THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL WITH MY OLDER SISTERS.
THIS IS ALL ABOUT DYING.

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I HAD A VISION THAT I WILL DIE WHEN I AM 37 YEARS OLD. I DONíT RECALL HOW IT CAME TO BE BUT IT HAS BEEN IN MY HEAD FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER.

WHEN MY FATHER PASSED AWAY, I FELT A FRACTION OF MY LIFE WENT WITH HIM. HOLDING ON TO THE THOUGHT THAT I STILL HAVE YEARS AHEAD OF ME, I LEARNED TO LET GO OF THE PAIN OF LOSS. I WAS 22 WHEN HE DIED. I DID NOT LOOK INTO HIS COFFIN UNTIL THE DAY HE WAS BURIED. I CANíT AFFORD TO SEE HIS DEAD FACE.

AS YEARS PASSED ON, I STARTED MY OWN BUCKET LIST. I NEED TO ACCOMPLISH A LOT BEFORE MY YEAR COMES. I GOT MARRIED AT 24. MY SON WAS BORN IN 2005 AND MY DAUGHTER ARRIVED IN 2010. STILL THERE IS A LOT TO DO.

WHEN I LEARNED OF MY COUSINíS PASSING, I PAUSED TO PONDER ON MY LIFE.

WHAT HAVE I ACCOMPLISHED? WHERE AM I ON MY BUCKET LIST?
HOW MANY FRIENDS HAVE I MADE?

WHERE HAVE I GONE IN ALL THE YEARS I AM GIVEN?

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I MADE LOVE TO MY HUSBAND?

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MAKE MY CHILDREN GIGGLE WITH JOY?

HAVE I MADE MY MOTHER PROUD?

WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE?

I AM NOW 32 YEARS OLD.


FEAR GROWS IN ME THAT WHEN I AM 37, I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING TO MAKE THIS LIFE WORTHWHILE.

I WORK 9 HOURS A DAY AND IS AWAY FROM HOME 14 HOURS A DAY, 5 DAYS A WEEK, FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS. I HAVE NOT PLAYED WITH MY CHILDREN ON A DAY OFF WITHOUT BEGGING THAT I CATCH THE SO NEEDED SLEEP. I HAVE NOT HAD A CONVERSATION WITH MY HUSBAND WITHOUT RAISING MY VOICE TO EMPHASIZE A POINT. EVEN IN BED.

I MISSED SO MANY FIRSTS IN MY CHILDRENíS MILESTONES. I DID NOT SEND MY SON TO HIS FIRST DAY OF GRADE SCHOOL CLASS. I DID NOT WITNESS MY DAUGHTERíS FIRST STEPS WHEN SHE LEARNED TO WALK.

THINKING ABOUT DEATH, A GRAPHIC PICTURE OF ME AT 37 YEARS OLD FLASHED IN MY HEAD, JUST LIKE IN MY EARLY YEARS. I DONíT SEE WHAT I WAS DOING AND WHO I AM WITH. ALL THERE IS, IS A VIVID PICTURE OF ME FACED WITH MY OWN MORTALITY.

I HAVE PASSED ON TO A NEW BEGINNING. AND IT WAS NOT JUST A THOUGHT.

I MET SOMEONE AND I SMILED TO SAY:

ďHI, MY NAME IS ELVISHTATTOO. I DIED AT 37Ē

Updated 04-09-2014 at 03:55 AM by elvishtattoo

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Comments

  1. vahnhelsing's Avatar
    nice.. it made me remember "me". and hi by the way i'm vahnhelsing. i died at 36.
    but will choose to live longer.
    elvishtattoo likes this.
  2. spike412's Avatar
    naglibog ko sa gender...male name but u made love to ur husband.
  3. elvishtattoo's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by vahnhelsing
    nice.. it made me remember "me". and hi by the way i'm vahnhelsing. i died at 36.
    but will choose to live longer.
    van, it must have been you I met

    Life is beautiful. Yeah, I want to live longer.

    Cheers to life!
    vahnhelsing likes this.
  4. vahnhelsing's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by elvishtattoo
    van, it must have been you I met

    Life is beautiful. Yeah, I want to live longer.

    Cheers to life!
    life is more than beautiful my dear... if only able let us live it as if
    every moment is our last. rock the boat!

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