https://www.istorya.net/forums/blog.php?197865-SnowPH en Tue, 18 Aug 2026 13:43:32 GMT vBulletin 300 https://www.istorya.net/forums/images/metro/blue/misc/rss.jpg https://www.istorya.net/forums/blog.php?197865-SnowPH https://www.istorya.net/forums/entry.php?2283-In-My-Pursuit-of-Happiness Sun, 05 Jan 2014 19:24:54 GMT

You never fully realize how good sleeping on your own bed feels until you haven't. There was once in my life where I found myself sleeping on someone else's bed. I stared up the ceiling as I thought about the life I've had forsaken.. And that is just the beginning of how my life started to falter.. completely.


People go through life and things happen to them. Most of the time these things do not turn out the way we expect them to be. In a person's lifetime there are always these specific events that change our lives. These events change us, for the better or worse and we are never quite the same after that. This is the kind of where I'm at. I've lived more of a life than anyone my age ever should, and most of it has been the worse parts of life..


Some nights in the depths of my dreams I would find myself with a dagger on my hands, soaked in blood as the corpse of the people I love lie in front of me. I squeeze my eyes hard enough and struggle for comfort, gently reliving a blissful, picturesque image of a once happy childhood where the only feelings that ever existed inside were love and happiness.. but just for a brief moment until it all starts to wither and crumble at my feet. It feels like I've finally found the light at the end of the tunnel though I can't seem to keep it in my grasp. Then I wake up from the same endless nightmare.


In a battle going on inside my head I feel like I'm getting split in two.. I feel hopeless, that life never changes, that what's missing never changes and the person you are never really changes. You may try and for a while you can keep a mask in front of your face but your true self shows up in the end. Then you realize that it's not worth putting the mask up in the first place. You're still the same incomplete person.


The other half of my head feels like that light at the end of the tunnel is reachable.. that if I work just a little harder then I can get it. The image, at the end the day, stays whole instead of crumbling. But these two feelings battle inside me with no remorse for the heart that imprisons them.


Days go by and I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if anything I do really makes a difference. I just want a simple life. I don't want to deal with my head and the insane things that go on inside of it. Because of these feelings I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life. There will never be anyone there to tell me that everything will be okay. There will never be anyone there for me at the end of the day to cuddle up next to and feel safe. I feel that anyone I get close to gets hurt or I screw it up and I end up getting hurt.


Often times, whenever I'm alone, I think hard and ask myself why I can't settle these feelings and emotions I have inside of me.. and just be a normal person. Why do I feel like I have a big secret that no one else has and will never understand because I don't even understand it myself? Sometimes I just want to leave, or fast forward to hopefully know that everything turns out okay in the end.


I don't want to be alone anymore.. That's really what it comes down to. I don't want to live this life without knowing what real love is.. without knowing what it feels like.. to have someone I can share the rest of my life with..


" .. save me " ]]> SnowPH https://www.istorya.net/forums/entry.php?2283-In-My-Pursuit-of-Happiness https://www.istorya.net/forums/entry.php?2280-Much-Ado-About-Nothing Thu, 02 Jan 2014 21:32:17 GMT
I am hurt. I am angry. No, I'm more than angry! I feel loathsome. This feeling of disdain, disgust, sending mist into my mind, fogging my judgement in pitch black. None of the involved parties excused.


Half-dead, grieving, hungry, helpless men, women, children, elderly put through living hell; the foul smell of decaying bodies wherever you go; all these while the worthless 40 minutes conversation between Roxas and Romualdez took place. A conversation that only prolonged the misery of the people.


A pointless conversation, like a ship without a steering wheel that keeps going around in circles. A complete headache! There's Mar Roxas with all his hand gestures, badgering and bullying a stupefied Romualdez. It is as if I'm watching some sort of telenovela with the usual scene between a 'bida' and a 'kontrabida'.


'I've had enough of all this!', I said to myself. Haven't we all?


I understand that there are certain protocols need be followed in situations like these to obtain maximum efficiency but what use does it have if it's slowing down all immediate help needed just because both parties can't synchronize? All this fuss about legalities, distinction of authority, blah-blah that's not what the people need. What they need is fast action to alleviate even just a minute of human suffering!


Romualdez could have just facilitated the papers that Roxas needed without further delays then the latter would bring in more armed forces to distribute relief goods, clean up all dead bodies and maintain peace and order. End of conversation.


This is not the right time to talk about indifference or about the Aquino-Marcos family feud either! You see, this is what happens when hypocritical, political animals couldn't just get it over with and do what really has to be done. They put their feet in their mouths and throw a feast for the media.
]]> SnowPH https://www.istorya.net/forums/entry.php?2280-Much-Ado-About-Nothing