iSTORYA.NET - When My Mom Shattered my "Closet"
    • When My Mom Shattered my "Closet"


      Ed Note: This is a repost from last year as this story is so relatable to those who have fears of coming out of their closets. Please take time to read and share us your thoughts. Moreover, we have an ongoing contest for Mothers' Day at this link--> http://www.istorya.net/forums/family...l#post14861779
      Awesome prizes await for those who join. Thanks!


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      What is the loneliest place on earth?

      It’s the closet.

      It might be a laughing stock to some but coming out of it is a combination of the safest place you could be—where no one can see you for who you really are; it is also the loneliest as you are the only one there, with no one to understand, with every bit of fear dripping out your system, forever on the verge of someone finding out, yearning for acceptance, yearning for someone’s hand to reach out and say, “You do not belong there. Come out and I will take care of you”.

      So this is my story. Actually, this is the story of both my mom and I and how she shattered my fantasies and my closet.


      Growing up, I have written my mother countless of letters to tell her how much I love her, and that the world is so much brighter just because she is my mom. Everything that she does brings a smile to my heart. I could say that she is my best friend. I have talked to her about everything, except this one secret that I’ve been keeping from her for years—the fact that her son is gay.

      Ever since I decided that it’s time for me to tell her, I’ve had sleepless nights. I don’t know how my mom would react. Would she be angry? Disappointed? Sad? I have fantasies of her turning her back to me and the mere thought of it pains me. Should she blame herself, claiming she has failed as a mom? I don’t want her to think that. She has never failed as a mother for she is the most amazing and most loving woman I know. However, I want her to understand that being gay was not something I just chose, nor was it something that I just “turned” into. It’s just the way that I am.

      It has taken me so many years to come to terms with myself that I am gay. I cannot expect that she will accept it right away. However, over the years that I have battled with myself, I have come to accept myself eventually and I am happy with who I am. I guess, that bravery to accept myself came from her as she has accepted me wholeheartedly before.

      But why does it still scare me so?


      Maybe because it hurts me that I’d be causing her any kind of pain that I don’t want her to be upset with my coming out. Perhaps, she would think that it would have been better that she didn’t know. However I felt that hiding my sexual orientation from her may create an invisible barrier between us, something that I have prevented from happening ever since. I want to be honest. I want to talk to her about everything like we used to—like the excitement of dating someone new, or going through the pains when things do not work out.

      There are times that I have spent several nights crying myself to sleep because of a broken heart, alone and lonely. I wanted to call to her for support but I was so afraid that I could lose that love that she has always unconditionally given to me.

      So with all of my strength, I sent her a letter.

      And I waited for her to storm out of the room and cast me away. I braced myself.

      But my amazing mom hugged me and shattered all my fantasies of her rejecting me. She has shown me that facing reality is so much better than hiding in the closet of lies.

      And she just hugged me and said, “You are my son. I should know. I am just waiting for you to tell me…”

      For her, it might not be so dramatic, but for me, it could have been. It’s like the walls and my closet just shattered and that amazing feeling of being accepted for all that you are has enveloped me. From that moment on, I could feel that God has an enormous army of angels who is tasked just to spread love. He gives one to us in the form of mothers. My mother’s acceptance felt like me seeing her in a halo and spreading her wings, enveloping me with her love.

      As of this moment, my Mom and I are still best friends. Sometimes, she overdoes it—like finding guys for me and forcing me to date and all. She’s relishing the fact that she has a gay son. I couldn’t imagine now had I hesitated or stopped myself from telling her. I would have forever been in the darkness. Being gay is not something to be ashamed of nor does it diminish your being a human being. As long as there is someone there who believes in you, there is always freedom from the closet.



      - Anonymous-



      *****
      This article belongs to a series of articles for our Mothers' Day special.
      Comments 26 Comments
      1. nice_eu's Avatar
        nice_eu -
        great story
      1. goldfinger's Avatar
        goldfinger -
        Comfort room for me because its a place where people throw their waste and leave the place...
      1. myefan's Avatar
        myefan -
        ako kusina......kay dghan food
      1. Galadriel's Avatar
        Galadriel -
        I laud the author for being courageous enough to get out of the closet and be honest with himself.

        I praise the author's mom too for accepting her son for what he is.
      1. Kaiyen's Avatar
        Kaiyen -
        ✿ Made me teary-eyed :] Such one brave and full-of-love story. Thank you for sharing this to us.
      1. chubbysworld's Avatar
        chubbysworld -
        this is truly amazing...I just want to congratulate you for the courage and yes,God must have spent a little more time for giving you such a wonderful mom. I envy your strength and your mom to just hug you and accept you..keep your head up...
      1. kmouse's Avatar
        kmouse -
        Nice one. . . I admire your courage
      1. fyodor sven's Avatar
        fyodor sven -
        nice story. warm and sensible.
      1. hallerz's Avatar
        hallerz -
        nice story....that's what you call the unconditional love of a mother
      1. renVI's Avatar
        renVI -
        Quote Originally Posted by myefan View Post
        ako kusina......kay dghan food


        kusina for the win... btw nice story
      1. lalamyk's Avatar
        lalamyk -
        This is really a nice story.The author was brave enough to face the biggest trial of his life.I have also friends that are gay.They are good and nice to be with.
      1. blakrabit's Avatar
        blakrabit -
        she's a great mom and this is a coming out story with a happy ending. I envy your bond!
      1. LeeLeePot's Avatar
        LeeLeePot -
        this made me miss my mom...lau man gud ku ba..heheh
      1. Blazing Hunter's Avatar
        Blazing Hunter -
        Nice story Nindot shaaa....
      1. Blazing Hunter's Avatar
        Blazing Hunter -
        nice......................
      1. BiKho's Avatar
        BiKho -
        I salute you for your courage!
        You should also be grateful to have such a great mom...
        I want to have that courage to, so I can do the same thing and I hope to God that my mom would also understand.
      1. yomyom699's Avatar
        yomyom699 -
        nindot og story da.
      1. blocked23's Avatar
        blocked23 -
        good that you've finally told your mom about you.

        i hope this will inspire other gays to have the same kind of courage you had to come out of the closet. to be the one to tell their parents about who they really are, rather than having their parents find out about it from other people. yes, it would somehow break their heart but in time, they'll realize, it's not that bad at all. it's just who you are. being gay isn't a bad thing.
      1. sammedriano's Avatar
        sammedriano -
        All hands raised.
      1. janchan's Avatar
        janchan -
        this is a very nice read. thank you for writing this.
        being a mother myself, i know that it is CERTAINLY easier to accept that my child is EITHER a boy or a girl, emotionally and psychologically...but speaking as a mother, i would never think ILL or be DISAPPOINTED if any child of mine would be 'somewhere in between', in your case, gay.
        but while you 'feel' that your mother is sad or disappointed, you should never assume what she feels...instead, you should move forward and since you have embraced and you are quite happy w/ your 'personality' and 'being' now...try to find ways to be a good person ...someone YOU would be happy and proud to be, and someone your mother would be proud of as well.
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