Words of a predictable mind

do crows murder in droves or alone, pecking at every sinewy tidbit left in the altar of sacrifice?

i ask, not because death holds me in fascination, but because death is really what we fear more than justin beiber topping the charts.

and yes, until now i still can't get that damn kid's name right without googling it.

anyway, let me just wax and wane about a true story regarding death...

years ago, i met this cute and bubbly girl, named dinah, who was on the cusp of adulthood. being older than her, i had this tendency to be condescending, smiling at her faults, nodding at her inanities, yet never really seeing behind her mask.

until that day she died.

it started as just another day in our line of work, we got up, had coffee, joked around, and planned for the day's activities. we were on a mission to teach basic reading and writing in a barangay that would take you two days to go into, over damn crazy habal-habal rides.

after breakfast we readied our materials for the day's lecture. i remember teasing her about how she tends to blank out in the middle of a lecture, and she fired back "hey, at least i don't flirt with my students!" that got a laugh from me, even until now.

as we were heading to the "classrooms", the barangay captain ran to us, frantic and out of breath. he told us that it's best we leave because there's trouble brewing between government soldiers and the rebels. we replied that we know there's trouble in the area but we are prepared for it.

little did we know that we were so wrong.

we disregarded the warning, and went through with the day's activities. two hours later, we heard exchanging bursts of gunfire so near where we had our classes. at first i had no idea what to do, but when i saw the faces of the kids i was teaching i realized it was a common thing for them, so i calmed down and told them to slowly go back to their homes and seek the protection of their parents.

when all the kids have gone, i immediately went to the other hut to help dinah. i found out that she did the same, but she didn't know what to do after all the kids have gone. fearing that our appearance would have us mistaken for rebels, i dragged her to the nearest dwelling so they could vouch for us.

that was my biggest mistake.

as we were running towards a farmer's home, government soldiers saw us and thought we were rebels.

you know that matrix scene where Neo dodged bullets by superhuman means? unfortunately, we were not Neo. i had my arm around dinah as we were running, and the moment the gun barrels turned on us was pure unadulterated madness. i could hear, feel, smell every bullet fired at us. one, two, three, four. i felt every bullet that sliced through her petite frame. i heard her cry out in surprise before we fell. and as we were lying together in the dirt, i saw the pain hit her. the pain and the realization that she is going to die.

all i could do was hold her tight as her eyes glazed from the pain, as she talked in rambles about her family, about telling them that she loved them, and that she is grateful to die in my arms.

all i could do was stare, unable to speak, as the reality of man's burtality crashed over me.

all i could do was stare, and hope that death would come for me too.

but it did not. most of the bullets hit her. her body saved me. all i got were minor wounds from other bullets.

as we laid in the dirt, with the sound of gunshots echoing around us, all i ever wanted was to die. die with her, die for what i believed i was doing right. but instead, i held her head as life slowly went out of her. i held her head, kissed her forehead, and promised that she would not die in vain.

she smiled. she smiled and died smiling. in my arms.

and i wept forever more...

so why am i telling this story now?

i'm telling it now because i made a promise. i was meant to survive to keep that promise. i may have lost hope the past few years, but in 2013, the legacy of dinah will live.
Visit my Google+ profile.